3 Dinner Dates: An Experiment

Have you ever noticed that people who are like each other end up being friends? I got six people who didn't know each other but had similar personalities and interests to meet up with each other to see if they would attract.

The Process

I had each subject answer personality and interests questions based off of an online dating site. This is so I can get an idea of who they could be matched with. I've color coded the match.

Name: Sam

Major(s): Math, Economics

Hometown: Larchmont, NY

Favorite movies and songs/type of music: Old style jazz, swing, classical, some classic rock, etc. Favorite movies include The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, My Cousin Vinny, Headhunters, etc

Myers-Brigg Type: INTJ-A (From 16personalities)

The four things your friends say you are: An old man, very straightforward, socially awkward/oblivious, snarky

What's the most important thing you're looking for in a friendship? Someone I can have long, engaging conversations with.

What are you most passionate about? I couldn't say one thing, but I love anything that requires creative thinking (not necessarily artistic creativity, but problem solving creativity)

How do you typically spend your leisure? I like to take naps, play video/card/board games, talk with friends, watch various interesting YouTube videos.

What do you expect to happen in this experiment? I am not quite sure, but I do know I get a free lunch out of it.

Name: Ben

Major(s): Computer Science

Hometown: Lexington, Massachusetts

Favorite movies and songs/type of music: movies: Serenity, Kill Bill Vol. 1. Music: favorite type is melodic metal, favorite song is probably either Fires Far or Forever Flame, both by Miracle of Sound.

Myers-Brigg Type: INTJ

The four things your friends say you are: funny, smart, stubborn, the worst.

What's the most important thing you're looking for in a friendship? That the person is somebody I can easily talk to about whatever for extended periods of time while playing online games together.

What are you most passionate about?

How do you typically spend your leisure? video games, internet videos, writing short stories. Tabletop RPGs when I can.

What do you expect to happen in this experiment? Awkward conversation with a few strangers who I have little to talk about with. Still quite entertaining.

Name: Theresa

Major(s): BHA - Flute Performance, Humanities (undecided)

Hometown: San Jose, CA

Favorite movies and songs/type of music: Princess Mononoke, Lord of the Rings; Gershwin, Ravel (modern classical), Audrey Assad (Christian music)

Myers-Brigg Type: INFP

The four things your friends say you are: Genuine, sweet, patient, passionate

What's the most important thing you're looking for in a friendship? Meaningful conversations

What are you most passionate about? Stories and colors (in music, people, places, etc)

How do you typically spend your leisure? Writing and/or eating

What do you expect to happen in this experiment? We will interact with strangers and be observed based on what kinds of relationships we build.

Name: Peter

Major: Art

Hometown: Flushing, New York

Favorite Movies: A Clockwork Orange, Star Wars, Leon the Professional, The Godfather (Music: The Whitefield Brothers, Inti Illimani, Fanfare Ciocarlia, Howling Wolf, OMFO, The Decemberists)

Myers-Brigg Type: INTP

Four things: Good at drawing, smart, funny, cool

What's the most important thing you're looking for in a friendship? Friends that are dependable are the most valuable friends to have.

What are you most passionate about? I am most passionate about telling and making interesting stories.

How do you typically spend your leisure? I typically draw, listen to music, or write. I also tend to play games if I have a lot of free time.

What do you expect to happen in this experiment? I will probably be paired up with someone and have to maintain a conversation with them as you watch me.

Name: Cheryl

Major(s): Computer Science

Hometown: Edison, NJ

Favorite movies and songs/type of music: The 1975, the Maine, indie, pop, edm, anything catchy

Myers-Brigg Type: ISFP

The four things your friends say you are: Weird, defensive, enthusiastic

What's the most important thing you're looking for in a friendship? Loyalty, Trust

What are you most passionate about? Being successful, enjoying my life

How do you typically spend your leisure? On my phone, exercising, relaxing, but I'm trying to plan more activities to do on the weekends/free time

What do you expect to happen in this experiment? Meet new people, try new activity

Name: Will

Major(s): Music Composition

Hometown: Lancaster, PA

Favorite movies and songs/type of music: Any Pixar movie and classical music of all kinds

Myers-Brigg Type: ENFP

The four things your friends say you are: Kind, Charismatic, Optimistic, Musical

What's the most important thing you're looking for in a friendship? Loyalty

What are you most passionate about? MUSIC

How do you typically spend your leisure? Listening to/writing/watching people play/practicing music OR watching videos/playing games

What do you expect to happen in this experiment? I expect to learn communication skills and to be more open to people that I encounter.

The Matching Infographic

I looked at each subjects' similarities and matched them up. Sam is partnered with Ben, Theresa is Peter, Cheryl is partnered with Will. In this infographic, the person beside each other is the match.

Predictions of who they think they're going to be matched with

Sam's prediction of Ben

Ben's prediction of Sam

Because both of them thought that they were going to paired with a STEM major, they predicted relatively the same qualities. Ben thought that his partner was going to be "bland" because most STEM majors "are not of the eccentric type." Sam thought that his partner would share his love for games because he likes gaming. He also thought he was going to be a "standard white male with a neutral expression." Both have drawn relatively the same face for who they think they're going to be matched with.

Peter's prediction of Theresa

Theresa's prediction of Peter

Theresa thought she was going to be partnered with an art major so she reasoned that the person will have hair that sticks up and is "really stylish." She also thought the person would be east asian since I had two caucasian people already and I had to diversify the group. Peter thought Theresa was a male and a STEM major because most people at Carnegie Mellon are. Also basing off the STEM stereotype, he drew his partner to have no smile and a standard haircut.

Will's prediction of Cheryl

Cheryl's prediction of Will

Will's prediction of Cheryl

Will thought Cheryl was going to have "blue eyes, long hair, and a big smile," which I suspect is because of his own personality and what he likes. Cheryl thought that Will was going to be a person in the humanities because she tends to like people in the humanities, and that he was going to caucasian.

The Meeting

Everyone's meeting started out awkward, but it warmed up after seven minutes. Ben was surprised by the amount of similarities he and Sam had, whereas Sam thought that Ben's "brevity kills the conversation." Theresa and Peter connected through writing and were still talking after the meeting ended. Will and Cheryl connected instantly and Will was surprised that they could connect over music. Cheryl thought Will's music was interesting.

Sam and Ben

Theresa and Peter

Will and Cheryl

End Reflection

How did the experiment go for you in the one-on-one interaction? What were your first impressions?

Relatively well. We ended up having more common interests than I anticipated, thus we didn’t run out of conversation topics nearly as quickly as I thought we would. Transitions were still awkward, but that was expected. - Ben

Ben fits the stereotype of a CS major in a good and bad way. Meaning, it was hard to find topics to connect with him because we have dissimilar ways of thinking. In the end, I think he was fine. The whole situation was kind of like a better version of the ice breaker, and everybody knows that those suck. - Sam

I thought it went very smoothly. I thought Cheryl was very open and I believe the conversation could’ve gone past what you recorded, which is good. - Will

The conversation was very good. Will was really easy to talk to and I enjoyed meeting someone new who was from a different major than me. - Cheryl

I liked talking to Theresa. I felt kind of awkward at first but as soon as I found out she liked writing too I think we were able to connect more easily. I felt like I kind of lead the conversation and talked over her at points, which I regret. I was happy that we got along though, and I felt like I made a new friend, in the end. - Peter

In the one-on-one part, I thought it went well. It was really surprising how easy it was to get along with Peter, presumably because of our similarities in personality and interests. - Theresa

How does it make sense (or not make sense to you) that you got partnered with that person? How did I (Sophia) do in understanding who you are and pairing you up with someone I know you’ll like?

It makes perfect sense. Our majors are similar and we have a number of shared interests. - Ben

I think you went off a clear cut understanding of who people are. Even though we both were STEM majors, I don't think I would follow up. We have different types of thinking, and it just so happens that most of my friends are in art or the humanities. - Sam

I think it made perfect sense that we were partnered with each other. Even if our majors were different, we found other common interests such as music. - Will

It made a lot of sense to be partnered together because Sophia is a mutual friend and we both have common interests with her so we should likely get along. We also share a musical interest and Sophia placed me with someone who was also willing to make an effort to converse. - Cheryl

I saw Theresa being a writer as something that connected to me specifically, because I like to write and it’s something I’m passionate about. I also thought she was really willing to have a conversation and felt like I didn’t have to pry to talk to her, which if I had to I probably would have been more shy. - Peter

It makes a lot of sense because we’re both introverts, nerdy, and artistic (to some extent). I think Sophia did an extremely good job with pairing us, considering that we got along pretty easily and we had a lot in common. - Theresa

What did you learn about yourself in this experiment? In social interaction, did it hit your predictions?

Not a thing. Things went as anticipated. - Ben

I think I learned that you can’t go into a conversation with a closed-mind. Something I always tell myself is “try to learn by listening”. You have to go into a conversation and be able to compromise and not explicitly talk about yourself. Because, as the nature of the experiment goes and practically how life works, you ARE speaking to another human being. So I think what the importance of listening and being genuine in wanting to meet and get to know another person. - Will

Talking to someone new doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. If you both contribute to a conversation and show a genuine curiosity about the other person, then it won’t be uncomfortable. Meeting new people can always be a positive experience and people shouldn’t be intimidated or uncomfortable. - Cheryl

I learned that I tend to be a pessimist when it comes to meeting new people, and tend to think things will be difficult for me based on biases. I also learned that I really don’t like awkward silences, and constantly seek to be in a state of either being in a conversation or leading a conversation, even though I don’t like when I do it. - Peter

I learned that meeting new people depends on how much you have in common (personality and interests), but also how willing you are to open up and be civil. Like I could tell Sam and I shared an interest in classical music, but because he seemed so aloof (and again, because of physical distance, which makes a difference for someone like me with a quiet voice), I was hesitant to ask him about what pieces, composers, and orchestras he liked. - Theresa